I'm an independent person. I thought that, while I loved my family, I was completely independent of them. Now that I'm six days from leaving home, I'm definitely realizing more and more how wrong I was. I got an e-mail from my mom today (yes, we live in the same house. My family just e-mails each other sometimes... not sure why). It was sent to all of my family, inviting them over to the house for pizza on Monday night to "hang out with Jake before he goes to Long Island." The phrase "going away party" was never used. I think because when my mother previously made an attempt to use the phrase, she burst into tears... awkwardly. Anyway, getting that e-mail was another one of my "moments." You know, like a "Holy shit. I'm seriously moving to New York away from all of my family and friends" moment. I wouldn't say I'm emotional or nervous, but I'm definitely slightly unnerved. Can you blame me? It is pretty crazy. And it's probably not super healthy, but I'm not showing any signs of discomfort to my family. My parents are nervous and emotional enough! I feel like if I show them I'm 110% okay and confident, it'll be easier on them. I definitely don't want to contribute to their mess of emotions. But this whole not talking to anyone about the "negative" feelings I'm having about the move is making me kind of crazy. I guess the blog helps though. I haven't told many people about it really because I don't want to weird them out (if shit gets "real" haha), but knowing that maybe someone is reading it makes me feel a little better.
But seriously, I'm having issues. I've got some intense anxiety and haven't been able to fall asleep before 3:30AM this entire week. I have a feeling tonight will be one of those nights. Tomorrow, I begin my last weekend in FL. Hopefully these blog posts will get cheerier and more exciting after the move! They'll be more interesting, for sure! Right now, however, I have to go clean an effin' refrigerator... a filthy one so I can ship it to NY in the morning. Looking forward to tomorrow's blog!
P.S. I've faithfully blogged the last three days in a row! Go me! Perhaps this will be the first blog I don't give up on. :)
Posts
2 comments:
Dude I totally feel ya. Keep up the blogging! I'm anxious to see how things work out for you in NY!
Hi honey, it's Jennie. So, I feel like a total jerk now, because I never asked if you wanted to talk about anything. You are doing a good job of keeping up that "I'm fine" front; I guess I thought that you were so excited and happy to go that I didn't want to talk about anything serious-- like it would just bring you down. But I wish now that when you came over and straight up told me you had been feeling anxious, that I would have explored it more. I'm glad we touched on it a little last night, but still. My job as a big sister is to take care of whatever you need, and I feel like I failed a little bit. It's just hard to walk that line between wanting to make sure you're ok and being annoying by focusing on the maybe scary or sad parts of your adventure. Bah.
If there is anything you want to talk about (before you go or after you're there-- or anytime ever at all), you know you can talk to me. Just let me know if you're feeling a bit freaky or weird.
I love you!!!!
Also this blog is awesome.
Post a Comment
Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!